Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
