I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
