i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
