Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
