I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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