shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
