Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
