did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
