i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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