I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
