Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
