I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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