My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
