i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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