my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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