You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
