I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
