Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize