I think I am morally bankrupt
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
