Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
