you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
