Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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