I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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