ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
