ya dads aren't the best wingmen
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
