I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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