I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Its about making memories worth repressing
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
