I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
