Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
