I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
