she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
