I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This toilet bowl is my home.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
