The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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