i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
