a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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