Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
