Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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