When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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