Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
