She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
