i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
