Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
