People in love make me want to vomit
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
