Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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