I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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