Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
