i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
