I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
