I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
