She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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