i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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