it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize