You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
