he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
