I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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