and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize