Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
