So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
