I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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