wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
