new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
