You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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