shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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