I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
