I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize