1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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