Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
