She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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