Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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