Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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