ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
