I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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