RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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