Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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